As I think over the past few years, there are many things that I wish that I could do different. I wish that I could go back in time and just talk some sense into myself. If that were the case, I would probably be a successful lawyer, or at least a competent one. I would be married, and hopefully happily so, and possibly be a father. That being said, it didn't happen that way, and we can't live in the past. We have to move forward.

For the past couple of years, I have been working to follow my dream. I have released a number of books, and co-produced a sizzle reel for a television show. With my former student and now close friend Eric Vernor, a production company is being started. We are trying to get a television show made, and are hoping to soon shop around some movie projects. The company is also producing the CD for a very talented singer who I believe we will hear about for years, not only as a recording artist, but I believe writer and actress.

To do such things takes sacrifice, but at times you ask yourself if the sacrifice is worth it. 

The reality is as human beings, we seek love, it seems ingrained in our DNA. I don't know of anyone who wishes to be alone. I myself have yearned for that great love. When it finally comes I believe it can be wonderful. 

I have seen most of my friends build lives for themselves, besides their careers, they build families. They become husbands or wives, mothers and fathers, and I see how rewarding it is to them.

Some of us have taken a longer path to get there though, and watching others can be difficult. You wonder to yourself when it will be your turn. Everyone tells you that you will make a wonderful husband and a wonderful father, and deep down, it is something you wish for, long for. 

To be that person though, I am continuing to try and improve as a man, and work to overcome my shortcomings, so that I can be everything that she will want and need.

While filming, I spoke with a friend who wants the same things. It is deeply important to him, but he feels like it will never happen. I know that is wrong, as he will find that special someone. I feel it, and I am pretty good with my feelings coming to pass for others. 

The dream is to have a place in the country, a house surrounded by trees, with a babbling brook running along. We would entertain our friends often, sharing stories over dinner parties. Nights we will snuggle under a blanket watching our favorite scary movies.

The most important thing though is love and support between us. I will always encourage her in whatever she does, and she in turn would do the same. I think that is how love should work. And I would always do what I could to keep things interesting, as I don't want anyone to get bored with me.

To me, it sounds wonderful.

How we love Christmas in our country, the excitement of the holiday thrills us as kids, and brings out the inner child as an adult.

Christmas for the past few years though has felt a bit strange in Florida. While I am not fond of snow for up to five months, I love it for Christmas, and am fine with it for two or three months a year.

My favorite Christmas was in I believe the second grade. I was at the farm with my grandma, mom, and brother. My grandfather was not there that year, making things all the better for the family.

I loved getting Star Wars action figures and other toys from the series, and this was after the best of the movies, The Empire Strikes Back. I had seen that I had gotten a gift from my grandmother in Boston of a Hoth Action Set and rushed to open it, knowing what it was, but then I got another by my family. I believe we took the one my grandmother from Boston gave.

I just remember the warm and fuzzy feeling of the Christmas Eve night.

My family celebrates on Christmas Eve night, and for me it is a special time.

I don't remember every Christmas season of the past, as I am getting older, but they were special. I remember how nice they could be back at the farm, as it was a place that has a special memory in my heart.

I remember the Christmas of 2006 as well, as it was a great one. We had gotten a new dog Klaus a couple weeks earlier, as well as two tiger twin mitten kittens. It was a wonderful night being together.

I hope to one day have my own family, to have a lovely wife and adopt a child or two, and share new memories with them, as well as with the family I have.

Christmas though can bring back so many warm and happy memories.

I have often asked myself if I have ever been in love, and I believe the answer to be yes. It is just difficult for me at times to open up and admit.

It seems that when I have opened myself up to a person, that is when things start to go south, so in turn, I do myself to keep myself closed up and share just enough to keep them happy, as I am afraid that when they get to know me, it will all end.

The last relationship that got serious went the same way.

We had been friends for a long time, and then things moved forward. It was scary to open up and let myself be vulnerable. I knew she had lots on her plate raising her children, and as she needed to give them much needed love and attention, I though I would wait to ask the important question until at least her eldest had finished school. Maybe it was a mistake, but it seemed like the right move at the time.

I ended up moving away, which when I look back was a mistake. My heart was never in Florida, but my family were, and I thought I needed to be near them at the time. I hope to always be close to them, but there is no reason that they won't eventually move to be closer to me.

Regardless, she didn't like the distance, and I understand that, but I still hoped that we could find a way to work it out.

Dealing with the loss of such a relationship is very difficult, as they were the person you used to turn to, and now you don't get a chance to talk to them at all. It is a tremendous loss.

That is the thing I have hated about break ups. It is not just losing the person in a physical and emotional way, but you lose someone you shared so much with, and now you don't have anyone like that to turn to anymore. This is very difficult.

I should have bought the ring and I should have stayed, and now she is lost.

If I had the chance, I would do what I could to re-ignite the love we shared.

There have been others, some I loved, and some I just cared for. I have grown close to them and their children, which makes the break up harder and why I haven't gotten to know kids of those I cared about in a while.

I look forward to sharing both my life and love with one day and feel that she will be very special.

I find it sad that when a relationship ends, people can't try to be friends. Don't get me wrong, I think it is strange is you are best friends with your ex-husband or ex-wife, but I don't see why you can't be friends with an ex-girlfriend or such. I have tried to maintain these friendships with very little avail.

Recently, I had the chance to spend time with a lady from my past. I was hoping to maintain a friendship with her, but I don't know if that will happen. She called one day to tell me that she has a boyfriend now and that she doesn't want to hang out because of that. The strange thing is that she probably only had gone out with him a couple of times. She said that he was coming back from Afghanistan, and knowing what was going on in her life for the past few months, I know there would not have been time for more than two or three dates. How that turns a person into a boyfriend, I have no idea. I guess that sometimes people can be too eager to be in a relationship. I am worried that if things go that fast, she will be engaged in a couple of months, married by the end of the year, and then I will get a call in a year or two telling me that she made a mistake and now it is too late to get out.

I guess all of this hasn't made too much sense to me, when we said when we started going out that we would always be friends.

I'm not going to pretend that I have always been a perfect boyfriend, but I have always been a great friend. People have been able to count on me when they needed someone to talk to.

I also don't understand that when people start dating, they think they can't have opposite sex friends. I know it isn't like that everywhere, but in Indiana, it seems to be the norm. People become possessive and feel that they can't trust the other. I think that is kind of sad, if there is not trust, there is no relationship.

I am grateful for my female friends. They teach me more about myself. I wish that more people would feel that way. If my girlfriends wouldn't allow me to have them, then I couldn't continue dating.

Regardless, the older I get, the more frustrated I get. I can't stand how many ladies in the Midwest set their value by having a boyfriend. They don't see the value in themselves, and I find it discourating. As a teacher, I have seen so much of that.

Maybe one day in my life, I will be fortunate enough to marry, but to marry a strong independent woman who sees the value in herself.

I watched a special on former NBA star and legendary Smooth Jazz Guitarist Waymon Tisdale tonight. It brought back special memories of my past, and the love I used to have for a game since lost.

I remember the first game I ever went to, it was close to my brother's birthday in December of 1986. I was in eighth grade at Blackhawk Christian School. My late dad picked up me, my brother, and our late friend Greg Hindle, who was coming over that night to spend the night with my brother, as we had a skating birthday party for him the next day.

We had no idea until dad showed us the tickets, and then we were off the Market Square Arena to watch the Pacers play the Atlanta Hawks. There was what appeared to us, a real energy to the crowd. The Pacers were led by Waymon Tisdale and Chuck Person, who would be voted Rookie of the Year. The game was full of excitement from the tip off to the end. I remember that the fans were extremely upset by a bad call, and they threw all kinds of stuff on the floor. I have never seen anything like that happen since, in all of the games I went to. The announcer threatened over the loudspeaker to eject those doing so from the arena. I don't remember for sure who won, but remember walking to the floor after the game, to stand on an actualy NBA hardcourt, which was exciting.

We went to many games over the years, many with my family, my mom or dad, and with friends such as Brad Phillips. My brother ended up going to even more than I did, even taking dates, if I remember right.

There was such excitement over the NBA for us then. There were so many exciting teams and players. The games were often high scoring and high flying. I went to the game during Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's retirement season, which was fun. I saw so many fun team and players, and thinking of them brings a big smile on my face.

Market Square Arena was later torn down and Indianapolis now has, what I believe to be the finest arena in pro basketball. I went to a few games and Conseco Fieldhouse, but walking around the stadium and looking at everything was more interesting than the games. I also went to games in Miami and Denver (I believe my last game), but it was never the same. The scores are lower and the games were never as exciting as in the early days of my going.

I remember the team trading Waymon and feeling let down, thinking it was a bad deal. I had his practice jersey that I used to wear to play ball.

Years later, I remember seeing him play music, playing bass in the world of smooth jazz, which I loved. It was exciting to see an NBA player not doing rap music or the like. Here was a man who didn't sing or rap, but played an amazing guitar.

I loved getting to hear his music, and although he is no longer with us, his music lives on. Waymon Tisdale, you are missed, not only for your game and music, but for the smile. The game is not the same as when you played.

Now that Christmas is behind us, I am thinking of past holiday seasons that really stick out.

This year, I wrote a book called "Twas The Night Before Krampus And Other Holiday Horror Stories," which I think we can all relate to in a way. It seems that there are family horror stories from Thanksgiving to Christmas to Easter and others that we can all relate. Maybe the stress of planning the perfect meal, only to have a relative complain about it, or a big family argument over nothing important.

When my mom remarried, I remember many family arguments in the mornings. It seemed that my dad was complaining about one thing after another. Maybe I have things a bit fuzzy on this, and I am not certain why there were all the problems. Christmas was the most exciting time for kids, so why would a person do that?

Christmas Eve was always the special night for us, as it still is. It is when we open gifts in my family. We have always been more Old World when it comes to the holidays, as my grandmother was from France. I loved when the night came and the gifts were there for us to open up.

One of the best, if not the best Christmas, was I believe my second grade year (maybe it was first grade). I remember it was before my father came into the picture, and my grandfather was still in the hospital. My grandfather was not always a very agreeable person, so having him absent was a plus. It was only my grandma, mom, brother and myself. I remember getting many Star Wars figures and a Hoth Playset. I believe that there was snow on the ground which made it complete. I am sure that we had visited my great-grandmother in the nursing home earlier, as we did most days. She was a lovely old French woman who spoke almost no English. The memories may be fuzzy, but I get a warm feeling when I think of that night.

Christmas Eve on the farm I grew up was always interesting, and I miss it. There was one year where my mom, brother and myself lived in town, and that was also a pleasant Christmas, but the ones on the farm stay with me. My Sophmore year in high school, we had moved to the city, and we still had fun holidays, but some of the excitement of childhood was gone. I moved to my grandmother's after she died, and have many fond memories of Christmas there, as well as Florida now, but the ones of your childhood are the ones you look back with I think the most fondness.

Growing up as a child, I used to go to the local library in Avilla, Indiana, and constantly check out a book on The Universe. It was a fascinating read about the planets, and even got into the concept of Space Stations. My family got a copy of the book for me this year, and I was again excited about the ideas of space exploration. I even live along the Space Coast now.

Growing up as kids, we dreamed of being an astronaut and of space travel. I had read that by this time, we would be living in space in space stations. The ideas that we saw in books were fascinating, very large places where you would not only live, but also grow food, and the like. It appeared our dreams could be a reality. We used to watch the Space Shuttles go off into space and again, we were captivated.

President Bush had even put a program in place to explore Mars. This was super exciting to us who had grown up with such dreams. Then, the Space Shuttle program was scrapped, the Mars Mission was scrapped, and most of the space program seemed to be of no interest or importance to those in government.

NASA was a wonderful organization, but now I heard that it was around to clean up space debris. We are borrowing rides into space off of the Russians. For those of us that dreamed of space, this makes us sick to our stomachs.

I truly hope that things change and that those who claim to embrace science will again embrace space. We need to be on the forefront, like we were under Kennedy.

I watched the final episode of Leverage last night, and while it was a great way to end a series, the show was by no means ready to be put off the air. It was still fresh and had interesting stories, unlike much of what is in television today.

It seems that whenever a new television season starts, you can be sure of a few things. First of all, there will be a whole host of procedural police dramas. I don't know why people keep watching them, it has become very uninteresting. Sure, it may not be a local police station, and could even be the feds, but how many times can you watch a new crime of the week. It gets old and very uninteresting. Then of course, you are going to get your medical dramas. Wow, another story about a hospital or the emergency room within, or even a doctors office. Have we not seen this before? There will of course be the traditional legal drama, a group of young lawyers trying to save the world. Again, not an original idea. Lastly, you will have more boring reality television, basically a season long contest, I don't enjoy game shows so I am not going to watch The Batchelor or The Amazing Race.

Don't get me wrong, not all reality television sucks. The programming on SyFy like Ghosthunters or that on the History Channel, A and E, Discovery Channel, and Travel Channel may be seen as reality television, but it is also a bit educational as well as entertaining. They have found a formula that works, that can keep you interested. It just doesn't go for the lowest common demoninator.

There is also some decent shows on the air currently like Supernatural and Arrow on the CW, Fringe (which is on its last episodes) on Fox and Warehouse 13 and Haven on SyFy. These are shows that are completely interesting and can keep you hooked. They are not like the traditional garbage that you see everywhere else.

Leverage was just one of the few shows that really kept me hooked. It was similar to the British show Hustle, and it kept you on the edge of your seat the whole time. The acting was exceptional, and I hope to see all of the actors on television or in the movies soon.

TNT is putting on another medical drama now, which I will not be watching, but hopefully another network will try something different, and hopefully the viewers will turn int

Okay, this will probably not make many fans for me, but I don't care. This is something that I want to see for multiple reasons.

I am tired of reading so many posts on the comic book and movie sites where people want Marvel Studios to get the rights to all of their characters back. This is a bad idea on so many levels.

I hear many complaints about the way Fox did Daredevil, Fantastic Four, and X-Men. There have been complaints about Sony also, mostly with Ghost Rider, but also with Spider Man on occassion. They think that putting all the characters under the same banner with be a great thing, but it won't.

Why am I so certain of that, well as a fan for many reasons. The biggest reason, first and foremost, is that we will be seeing many less movies at the theatres, and then only those with the bigger names. The Ant-Man and Guardians of the Galaxy movies already planned, would never come to fruition, and there would be no hope of a Black Panther or Iron First movie. It would be all X-Men, Spider Man, and big names from the Avengers.

I was very unhappy to hear that Blade, The Punisher, and Daredevil rights have all reverted back to Marvel. Forget ever seeing them on the big screen again. They will be put up on the shelf and be all but forgotten. I guess that the fans never thought of that, or maybe they didn't care about these characters. Remember, it was Blade, as well as X-Men that really helped Marvel get on the map and put out Spider Man, which made so much money it is ridiculous.

Look, along the way, there will be mistakes. Daredevil was not perfect, but I would have love to have seen Fox get the sequel. From what I read about what was being done, it could have been really something. Yes Elektra was a bit of a bust, but a Frank Miller take on it could have been great. I am not certain if Marvel has the Elektra rights, and if not, Fox needs to take advantage of it, even if it is a direct to video take on the character.

Now as far as X-Men and the Fantastic Four, both have had their ups and downs. X-Men 3 was not up to par with the rest of the series, but First Class was amazing, and I can't wait for the follow-up. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was not that great, but The Wolverine looks like it can be something really special. With Josh Trank taking over the Fantastic Four, I think we will finally see the movie we want with this great group of four special Marvel characters. Now that Mark Millar is on board to build a conhesive Fox/Marvel Universe, I can't wait to see what is in store. We can get a movie out of Fox every year, to supplement the two movies Marvel will do. If they finally get to Deadpool and they do it right, imagine what we have to look forward to.

I have heard that Marvel may not have the rights to Man-Thing, and if not, the studio that does should take advantage. They could get into the Halloween market with that universe, and maybe even comedy if they bring back Howard the Duck, who was part of that universe.

This brings us back to Sony. Let's be honest, Spider Man will go nowhere else, it makes too much money. The reboot was amazing and there are many great stories to be told with his amazing rogues gallery. Just don't bring back the Green Goblin again. I know he's a big deal, but Spider Man has many amazing enemies. There has been talk of a stand alone Venom film, which I would go to see.

Now what if Sony can do what Fox is doing and build a conhesive and shared universe with Ghost Rider. I don't expect them to share the screen, just have little easter eggs for us to get excited about.

Ghost Rider has gotten many complaints about the series, and it isn't perfect. Nicolas Cage is getting old, but he cares about the role. He could star in one more film and hand it off to someone else, but stay involved in some capacity. The first movie had its moments, but many felt it fell flat. The second was not at all great, but Idris Elba as the French Monk made it for me. Neveldine/Taylor made it for cheap, so it had to make money, not Spider Man money, but money regardless.

I say that they need to give it one more shot, and bring about their villians. The dark side of Marvel Studios can finally come out.